Like an Octopus to the Face

I am Attachment Barbie. I really want to be GI Jane Barbie, but sadly I'm not. 

I attach for life. It takes a long time for me to attach to someone but when I do, it's like an octopus to the face, I'm there until you manage to pry yourself free. It's not rock 'n roll to be Attachment Barbie. The GI Jane's have the monopoly on the cool factor. I envy those people. The people who legitimately let people go from their lives and are completely OK with it. They aren't putting on some false bravado that they are fine but they truly are cool with severing ties, recognizing that there are some people you just shouldn't or can't keep around forever. They feel the pain and disappointment but are comfortable walking away because, for whatever reason, it is the right thing for them to do.

I also believe that the world is made up of Attachment Barbies and GI Jane Barbies. Some will be more extreme than others, but I suspect most of us can see ourselves in one of those categories.

“You have some friends for a reason, some for a season...” People like me don't really understand how to keep people around for just a season. It's counter-intuitive. Our intuition tells us to to hold on for dear life, no matter how many GI Jane's come along and prove us to be foolish. We're holder-onners. The difficult truth however, is that people will come and go from our lives and there really is nothing we can do about it. There is no Attachment Barbie strategy that will work to keep everyone around forever. With enough force and intention, the octopus will be pried away successfully and somehow Attachment Barbies have to find a way to deal.

The truly ironic part is that it is often the people that we've invested the most time and energy into that inevitably disappear. Some detach quickly, overnight, and for others. it's a slower, less-intentional disappearance. Attachment Barbies notice the degrees of separation more than the GI Jane's of the world. We rage against that machine with all the energy we can muster and do our best to avoid either variety of disappearance. We recognize the logic behind people moving on but it still feels like life doesn't make sense in the way it did before.

It's easy to understand the various reasons why people have to move on; from new jobs, new families to new friends. All normal and legit reasons and still it's a shift that feels wrong. Attachment Barbies are those people who continue to harrass the GI Jane's of the world. They continue to try to make things work even when it's clear that it's completely one-sided at this point and time to throw in the towel. They are the ones that keep popping up, leaving the GI Jane's of the world wondering what they should google to get rid of the face-attaching-octopus once and for all.

People come and go, it's natural. It is impossible to force someone into loving you or investing in you. There are always dozens of signs that it's time to let go but me and my co-attachers will ignore the signs and try just one more time...

As I was consumed with the latest election, I had a realization, sort of. Many people I love and respect were planning to vote in Mr. Harper again. I was frustrated! I just wanted to shout, 'But he broke this country, he doesn't get to fix it. No matter what his promises are now, he can't repair the lies and damage of the past!” I felt it and meant it. It did make me wonder why it is so hard to apply that concept to my personal life however. Why can't I cut off deadwood like Harper in my personal life? It's equally clear that it's time to pay attention to the signs and walk, but still I stick around. I keep trying. It's pathetic really. Surely no one with any self-respect keeps trying to make relationships that are already over. It's kind of sad really...

Today I realized that perhaps Attachment Barbies do serve a purpose! I had a conversation just this morning where I said, “Oh for pete's sakes you stupid, stubborn man, just apologize to him already!” Of course this was a situation that was really none of my business and where both people felt like they deserved an apology from the other and neither one was going to budge. So years will pass and they will lose that time, all the while trotting through life feeling vindicated by the fact that they “are right.” It was better to be right and miserable rather than be wrong and happy.

That's when I realized that us Attachment Barbies sometimes are ahead of the pack. We may seem pathetic on occasion, but we are also the people who will apologize first, even when we aren't the ones who made the mistake. We will accept apologies when others would not. We will choose the comfort of a fixed relationship rather than the pain of a broken one. People will hurt us, both intentionally and unintentionally, and we will forgive. Those are important character traits and ones that we consistently bring to the table.

There is no doubt as you read this you will realize that you too are Attachment Barbie or you will realize that you have a few in your life. If you are the latter, than you realize that attachers are rather needy at times. They need to be reminded that things are ok more than other people in your life and they will need reassurance which can be annoying. But they are as loyal as a guard dog and will back you up until your nose bleeds. You already know that though. You know because all of us have people in our lives that we know will just always be around. Even us Attachment Barbies have those people. We don't invest the time and energy into them because we stupidly believe that they will be around forever. They are the people who forgive our mistakes and our bad behaviour and love us no matter what. They are the people who no matter what has happened in the past will drop everything.

And although I will spend my life being mesmerized by the GI Jane's of the world, it is nice to realize that Attachment Barbies also have an important purpose in the world. The GI Jane's will always have the appropriate boundaries, the strength to move on and, quite frankly, the emotionally healthier life. It's the Attachment Barbies' though who you will always be able to fall back on, who will still be around when others have moved on and who you will still find attached firmly to your face like an octopus.