Life as I know it...

I am Attachment Barbie.  I really want to be GI Jane Barbie, but sadly I'm not.  I attach for life. It takes a long time for me to attach to someone but when I do, it's like an octopus to the face, I'm there until you manage to pry yourself free. It's not rock 'n roll to be Attachment Barbie. The GI Jane's have the monopoly on the cool factor. I envy those people. The people who legitimately let people go from their lives and are completely OK with it. They aren't putting on some false bravado that they are fine but they truly are cool with severing ties, recognizing that there are some people you just shouldn't or can't keep around forever. They feel the pain and disappointment but are comfortable walking away because, for whatever reason, it is the right thing for them to do. I also believe that the world is made up of Attachment Barbies and GI Jane Barbies. Some will be more extreme than others, but I suspect most of us can see ourselve

As my father would say, “there’s no sense saying one thing and meaning another,” visiting your father on Father’s Day at a cemetery puts things in perspective.  That sounds horribly sad and tragic, and although that’s not how I intend it, the process does make you step back and think. As I stood there chatting with my Dad like somehow we were better connected at that location, I realized something. It probably wasn’t necessary for me to have stopped there at all. I think of him every day, in all sorts of locations and for all sorts of reasons. So why do I still feel, years after his death, compelled to stop at the cemetery on big, significant days? I realized it’s because I needed to “show up” for him like he always did for me. It’s like picking a chunk of time and dedicating it only to him. He really was the one that taught me why the act of just “showing up” is so important. There’s no question that losing a parent or a significant other is a gamer changer. There is your life

"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music." -Nietzesche I'm a non-breeder ((I realize this first statement isn't exactly coming as a surprise to many). To complicate social matters further, I'm a non-married, non-breeder. My type isn't exactly going extinct but you sure won't find us flooding the grocery stores or wedding receptions. I don't get invited to couples events, I don't get invited to child-friendly events, I'm often that awkward plus-one that just doesn't quite fit. It's my type of people that cause married, breeders to tilt their heads slightly while chatting, trying to make sense of this situation. These conversations usually result in trailing off sentences... “So you're not married and you don't have kids? So you.....” Like somehow I'm about to volunteer that I have a third arm that I strategically hide but can pull out for a good party trick.

So I decided to detox.  I've not switched to a juice cleanse and I haven't given up wine (though I probably should do both) but I did briefly remove some things from my life. I gave up my cell phone, my internet, my computer, my ipad... For one day I cut myself off from texting, tweeting, facebooking, emailing, messaging No emojis, no emoticons, no memes, no random thought sharing. I didn't give anyone any warning, I just woke up and shut down everything and hit the road with no plan (or google map!) in place. By way of disclaimer, you should know that giving up google map is probably the most dangerous thing for me to give up. Well giving up food would be equally as dangerous but that would be more dangerous for others than for me once I turn “hangry”. Truthfully I'm not even extremely addicted to my cell phone. A lot of the time I have no idea where it is and I try to never look at it when other people are around – mostly because I'm so excited to

When I was younger (So much younger than) so much younger than today (I never needed) I never needed anybody's help in any way (Now) But now these days are gone (These days are gone), I'm not so self assured (I know I've found) Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors When I was seven I really wanted to be a singer. Specifically a singer in the junior choir at my Church. I would watch the choir in their white gowns , sounding like angels and want nothing more than to be one of them. I wanted it more than anything. I was determined to get to wear the white gown and sing just as sweetly. At first I was told I was too young but when the choir director realized I could read well, I was allowed to attend my very first choir practice. I was so excited! I still remember the song that we learned...”thank you for giving me the morning, thank you for every day that's new...” I was so happy leaving that practice, I had sounded just like an

While doing push-ups in my office, I think I sprained my ovary. Ok, clearly I know you can’t sprain an ovary but the pain is shooting out of that general direction every time I move. Although one might think the point of this story would have something to do with why I was doing push-ups in my office in the first place , the truth is, it has more to do with getting an injury from these push-ups. I am not new to push-ups. I hate them and I’m terrible at them. I’m convinced that oompa loompah’s should never “ push up” but I keep at them nevertheless . It’s not like sitting around for 6 months and then deciding to go for a 10 km run and wondering why you r everything hurt s the next day. This is not an injury from under-use, this is an injury from getting older. I suspect one does not sprain their ovary in their 20s, and even if one did, the pain would subside in about 12 minutes . Now that my age is closer to 40 than 30, things are different. Evidently now doing an activity u

Bullying... It is strange that as an adult I'm thinking about bullying, and yet that's exactly what's occupying my brain. One would think that there would be a shelf-life on bullying, something that is an issue for children and youth but by the time you become an educated, well-adjusted adult, it would no longer be a problem But that doesn't appear to be true, sadly. I think the art of bullying becomes subtler in some ways, a little fancier, with bigger words and hidden agendas, but I believe that bullying is as prominent and damaging to adults as it is as children. Bullying is defined by the Oxford dictionary as “a person who uses strength or influence to harm or intimidate those who are weaker:” According to that definition I'm fairly sure that all of us have been bullied at some point in our lives. But here's the more shocking part, I also suspect we have all bullied people. I stare at that sentence and find it a little hard to swallow. I would love t

I started writing something completely different this week but then this weekend happened and I feel compelled to share something else. I've alluded to these concepts before so most of this won't sound like original thought and yet I still feel like I need to write it down. I feel like so much has happened in just a few days. Nothing earth-shattering for me, but has had so much impact on me. Let me explain further... I find it very amusing that my blog is so serious all the time when in life I'm usually quite the opposite. Few people love to laugh as much as I do or love making other people laugh. If you know me in life, you know that it is quite dangerous to laugh at my jokes because it only encourages me. I truly blame my father and his whole family for this. I come from a long line of people with great senses of humour and amazing story-tellers. The stories, even when serious in nature, would always end up in laughter for some reason. Being able to tell a story we

I read something last weekend that has stuck with me: “Live life with intent, not out of habit.” The sentiment seemed so powerful to me .  So much of what I do in life really is out of habit and has so little to do with purposeful intent. I began to wonder what my life would look like if I started to live everyday with intention. Eat what I intend to eat and not what I just happen upon, exercise because I intend to and not find myself at the end of another day, unable to fit it in. Be kind to the people around me and not find myself snapping at an unsuspecting citizen on a day I should have come with a disclaimer, “approach at your own risk.” Actively loving myself and not self-doubting out of habit. I thought I might just try to give this concept a go. What an interesting experiment this would be... Two things happened today. The first one was a big one, a local legend lost his battle with cancer. Sab was, for anyone who lives in my neck of the world, a remarkable man, a li